Big Feelings, Small Moments: Why Transitions Can Be Tough and What the Brain Has to Do with It
- Dr. Ashley Devonshire
- Oct 21
- 3 min read
Getting out the door in the morning. Turning off the iPad for homework. Leaving the playground. For many families, these everyday moments can become some of the toughest parts of the day. If your child resists transitions — sometimes with tears, yelling, or total shutdown — you’re not alone. These challenges are common, especially among children with ADHD, autism, learning differences, or executive functioning difficulties. It is important to understand it’s not about stubbornness or “bad behavior.” There’s a lot happening beneath the surface — in your child’s brain.
The Role of Executive Functioning in Transitions
Executive functioning refers to a set of mental skills that help us plan, shift attention, regulate emotions, and follow through on tasks. Think of these skills as the brain’s “air traffic control system.”
Two key executive functions are at play during transitions:
Cognitive Shifting – the ability to move from one activity, thought, or emotional state to another.
Inhibitory Control – the ability to pause an ongoing activity or impulse in order to do something else.
For many children, shifting from one activity to another — especially if they’re deeply engaged in something enjoyable or are moving toward something less preferred — requires significant cognitive effort. Kids with ADHD or autism often need extra time and support to make this shift because their brains don’t switch gears as fluidly.
Why Transitions Feel “Bigger” for Some Kids
Several factors can make transitions more challenging:
Deep focus or hyperfocus: When kids are absorbed in an activity (especially screen-based or high-interest tasks), stopping feels like an abrupt “brain jolt.”
Difficulty predicting what’s next: Uncertainty about the upcoming activity can increase anxiety, leading to resistance.
Executive function demands: Managing time, stopping a task, remembering what’s next, and emotionally shifting all at once can overwhelm their mental resources.
Sensory processing differences: Noisy, crowded, or overstimulating environments (e.g., leaving a busy classroom) can make transitions feel even harder.
For children whose brains are wired to take longer to switch tasks, these moments feel genuinely uncomfortable — not just inconvenient.
How This Shows Up at Home and School
Here are some common transition struggles parents and teachers describe:
Morning routines that feel like a “battle” every day.
Meltdowns when leaving playdates or playgrounds.
Prolonged resistance to starting homework or chores after a preferred activity.
Difficulty stopping mid-task, even to do something enjoyable.
Emotional outbursts that seem “out of proportion” to the situation.
Recognizing that these behaviors reflect brain-based differences, not defiance, shifts how adults can respond.
Strategies to Support Smoother Transitions
The good news: With the right supports, transitions can become more manageable. Here are some practical, brain-based strategies:
1. Give Advanced Notice
Let your child know when a transition is coming. A simple, calm “In five minutes, we’ll need to clean up and head to the car” gives their brain time to prepare. Visual timers or countdowns can help make the passage of time concrete.
2. Use Predictable Routines
When transitions happen at roughly the same times each day, kids know what to expect which lowers cognitive load. Consistent morning or bedtime routines can make a big difference.
3. Preview What’s Next
Briefly explaining the upcoming activity can reduce anxiety. Instead of “Time to stop playing,” try “In five minutes, we’re going to clean up so we can eat dinner together.”
4. Use Transitional Activities
Sometimes a bridge activity helps — like listening to a favorite song while moving from playtime to homework or carrying a small object from one setting to another to signal change.
5. Validate Emotions First
Acknowledge your child’s feelings before redirecting: “I know it’s hard to stop when you’re having fun. It’s okay to feel disappointed.” Feeling understood can ease emotional intensity.
6. Teach Transition Skills Over Time
Like any other skill, cognitive flexibility and inhibitory control can be strengthened. Practice transitions during low-stress moments and use games that involve stopping and starting (e.g., “Red Light, Green Light”) to build these abilities in fun ways.
Takeaway for Parents
If transitions are hard in your home, it’s not because you’re doing something wrong — and it’s not because your child is “being difficult.” It’s because transitions draw heavily on brain systems that develop at different rates for different kids. With understanding, structure, and practice, these skills can grow.
At Devonshire Pediatric Neuropsychology, we look closely at how children’s executive functioning skills — including cognitive flexibility and self-regulation — impact their daily lives. Understanding the “why” behind these behaviors is the first step toward practical, compassionate support.
Call to Action
Struggling with daily transitions at home or school? A comprehensive neuropsychological evaluation can help uncover what’s happening beneath the surface and guide individualized strategies.
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